


Young and Beautiful (until I lost you)

by whatdaflerken



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Friends, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Mild Language, Minor Violence, My First Fanfic, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:00:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29259348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatdaflerken/pseuds/whatdaflerken
Summary: When you were a child, you were once the best friend to the mischievous prince of Asgard, but your family’s reputation is ruined after it was revealed that you are the byproduct of your father’s affair with a Midgardian woman. Having no tolerance for Midgardians on Asgard, Odin sends you to live amongst “your kind” on Midgard, never return to your home on Asgard, or to see Loki again...that is, until you see a familiar face amongst the aliens invading New York on the news.*updates every other Sunday*
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 11
Kudos: 82





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my beta, Papercranes_and_Starshine I love you :) 
> 
> I've been reading fanfic for years, but this is the first time I've ever written one, so please be kind. I'll be updating the tags appropriately after each new chapter. The rating will most likely change further into the story, but we're a long way from that. This fic will be long and will be a VERY slow burn, so strap in. 
> 
> I'm going to try and update every other Sunday. If that changes, I will post something to let you guys know. 
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos. I would love to hear your feedback. 
> 
> -J

Asgard

1765 A.D.

The day was beautiful, just like everything was on Asgard, your home. The clear blue sky and smiling people around you gave no indication of the heartbreak that day would have in store for you. 

“Y/N!” 

You turned to see who called your name to see Loki making his way towards you. 

You and Loki had been friends since you were children. Your father is one of Odin’s highest-ranking military officers, and when your mother died, your father started to bring you with him to the palace to ensure that you were not alone. Your father, Y/F/N, would make you sit in the most boring meetings. During one of these meetings, you sneaked away to explore the palace and ran into Loki. You at first thought he would get you in trouble, but it turned out that he liked to get into mischief just as much as you did, and the two of you became almost inseparable since that fateful day you met in the palace. 

When Loki was within arms reach, you wrapped your arms around him and gave him a hug, which he reciprocated. “I had been looking for you,” you said, pulling away from his embrace.

“Looks like I found you first,” he quipped. You lightly shoved his shoulder and then went on your way to whatever adventure Loki had planned for today with you at his side. 

Before the two of you caused any mischief, both of you decided to eat lunch first. Asgardian meals were always huge but were even bigger for those in the royal family, ensuring that you would always be stuffed as long as you were with Loki. Even though the meals were often too large for you to finish, Loki and his older brother Thor usually finished theirs. Probably because they were both in the stage of development that Midgardians called “teenage years.” The two princes were maturing into handsome young men, and their attractiveness did not go unnoticed by any of the girls in Asgard, including you. Although most of the girls were head over heels for Thor and his golden hair, you preferred the raven-haired god of Mischief who was sitting across from you. You guess it was bound to happen someday, you developing a crush on the boy with whom you had spent most of your life. You knew that it was unlikely he would ever feel the same way. You always saw yourself as lesser (it didn’t help that you were almost always a foot shorter) compared to the girls that you deemed more likely to gain the affections of Loki. Even though you might have been friends with the princes, you knew that another girl, taller and more beautiful than you, would one day steal them away from you. 

The loud sound of the dining room doors interrupted your thoughts and caused you, Loki, and Thor to divert your attention to those entering. It was Odin and your father. You quickly pushed back your seat and stood to give a small bow to the king. 

“Y/N, come with me,” Odin bellowed into the room. 

You were frozen. In all the years you had been friends with his sons, Odin had never summoned you and had never spoken to you in such a commanding tone. You looked to your father, who seemed distressed. The way he nervously followed after Odin did nothing to settle your worries but, you were not one to disobey your king, so you obliged and walked towards the door to follow Odin and your father.

“Wait!” Loki said, almost falling out of his seat. He quickly recomposed himself and got up and ran to you. “I’m coming with you.”

You knew he saw how nervous you were; it also could have had to do with the fact Loki could read minds, although you were relatively good at blocking him. You silently nodded, keeping your head down, not meeting his gaze as you continued out the door. You saw Odin and your father ahead down the hall. They appeared to be in an argument, but you were too far away to hear what they were saying. You heard Odin yell “No!” to your father. His harsh tone made you jump. It was then that Loki slid his hand into yours and softly ran his thumb along your palm to soothe you. You all of a sudden forgot about your nervousness because of the sparks that were emanating from Loki’s touch. When you looked up into his crystal blue-green eyes and gave you his signature smirk, at that moment, you knew that you would never feel the same way for anyone else, the way you felt for Loki. Even if you were just a kid at the time, you knew that you would forever be mesmerized by him. Completely entranced by the boy at your side, you made your way to the throne room, utterly ignorant to the argument between the two men in front of you. 

“SILENCE!” The echoes from Odin’s command reverberated off the throne room walls. The sound was enough to snap you out of your trance and make Loki jump. Odin made his way to his throne and sat with a commanding presence while your father stood frozen in place at the foot of the throne. 

“I don’t believe I called for you,” Odin said to Loki. 

Loki removed his hand from yours and took a step towards Odin, shielding you behind his back. “I wanted to escort her. She is my friend, after all.”

“This does not concern you, boy.” 

At Odin’s command, Loki slumped his shoulders.

“Please,” you managed to squeak in almost a whisper. All eyes looked to you, but the ones you stared back at were Loki’s. You could see the worry and confusion in his expression.

“Speak up, child.”

You stepped out from Loki and stood before Odin, trying to maintain the illusion of confidence towards the brooding king. “Please, let him stay. I’d be more comfortable if he were with me, your majesty.”

“Very well. It does not matter.” 

You breathed a sigh of relief as you felt Loki come up behind you and put his hand at the small of your back, igniting the hypnotic feeling you felt when he held your hand once again. 

“Y/N, are you aware of your heritage?”

As Odin asked this question, you saw your father drop his head in the corner of your eye. _Why would Odin care about your heritage?_

“I was born on Asgard. My parents are Y/F/N and Y/M/N. My mother died when I was a child. I’m sorry, sir, but why are you interested in my heritage?”

“Because it seems your father has been lying to not only you but to me as well about your origins for many years now.”

Your eyes darted to your father, who kept his eyes on the floor, refusing to meet your gaze. “Father?” you questioned. He continued to ignore you completely. 

“You were not born on Asgard,” Odin explained as you turned back towards him, “You were born on Midgard, to a Midgardian woman named Runa. You are the byproduct of your father’s affair with her while he was stationed there during Asgard’s war with the Frost Giants. He smuggled you into Asgard amongst the chaos of war. The gracious woman your mother was, accepted you and raised you as her own until she died.”

At Odin’s words, your heart sank. The lies your family had told you came crashing to the forefront of your mind. It was a shock, but you still didn’t understand why Odin cared.

“Even though you are innocent in this Y/N, it is against tradition to allow a Midgardian to live in Asgard. Therefore, I must send you to live amongst your kind on Midgard.” 

The shock of finding out your true origins was nothing compared to the stabbing pain to your heart triggered by the realization that you had to leave your home. _That you had to leave Loki._

“Father, you can’t be serious,” Loki spoke.

“You are here because she wants your company, not because you have any input in this matter, Loki.”

“But she’s still part Asgardian-”

“Enough, Loki!” Odin yelled, which caused Loki to cower behind you. “Y/N, you are to leave by dusk. I assume that is enough time to say your goodbyes.”

_Goodbyes_

With that, the tears started to stream down your face silently. You nodded at Odin’s request. Too in shock to notice how your father still hadn’t managed to look at you, silently crying as Loki led you out of the throne room down the halls of the palace. 

He led you to an empty sitting room, and as soon as the doors closed, you fell into Loki’s arms and buried your face in his chest as you sobbed. He held you in his embrace as you cried. You couldn’t care less at this point that your parents had lied to you with the weight of the ticking clock leading to your departure. 

Loki led you both to a sofa, where he sat you down and proceeded to sit next to you, allowing you to curl into his arms, where he continued to hold you as you cried. As you eventually calmed down, you looked to Loki only to see his eyes swollen and red. You realized then that you weren’t the only one crying. Even though you were the one leaving, you forgot that he would be the one most hurt by your absence. You wiped the remaining tear from his cheek. There was a precious moment of silence when you were looking into each other’s eyes before Thor came barging in the door. 

You and Loki immediately put distance between yourselves on the sofa in Thor’s presence. Thor didn’t have his usual smile on his face, and his eyes weren’t sparkling, hinting that he had probably heard the news. 

“Y/N, Loki, it’s time.”

You solemnly nodded and got up from the sofa to Thor. When you were within his reach, he pulled you into a tight hug, which completely engulfed you. You could barely breathe, but the tightness of Thor’s hug was welcome. Even though Thor could be a bit of an ass and was quite full of himself, you had grown to love him, not in the same way you loved Loki, but loved him nonetheless.

_Is that what you felt for Loki? Love?_

It seemed like you would never find out.

Thor released you from his hold, and you saw that it was almost sunset, almost time to leave. A sudden urgency hit you. You had forgotten to go home and pack your things. You turned to Loki. The worry must have been evident on your face because almost immediately after you turned to him, he waved his hand, and to the side of the room, a trunk filled with your belongings appeared against the wall. 

A small smile crept onto your face. You had forgotten Loki’s magic. He had taught you most of the basics, but you still struggled with the more complex spells. 

“Well then, shall we?” said Thor.

“I guess so,” you went to grab your trunk, but Thor stepped ahead of you and picked it up first.

“I got this,” he said as he marched out of the room, not waiting for you or Loki to follow.

Unable to take the first step, Loki grabbed your hand and led you out of the room, and walked with you out of the palace to the Bifrost. The two of you eventually caught up to Thor but remained a distance behind him so you could savor your final moments with Loki.

When you reached the Bifrost, it felt like it had been minutes since you saw Odin. You wanted more time. Everything felt so unfair, but you weren’t one to fight against others’ wishes. 

“Are you ready, Miss Y/N?” Heimdall asked you.

“No, but I doubt I will ever be.”

“I understand. Take your time to say your goodbyes.” 

You gave Heimdall a nod in appreciation for his patience. You turned to be met with another one of Thor’s crushing hugs before you could brace for it. You were going to miss this. “I will miss your company Y/N,” Thor said as he let you go, “I pray those meek Midgardians won’t bore you too much.” 

“Thank you, Thor,” you replied. At your response, Thor gave you his signature smile and backed away until Loki was in view. You burst into tears at the sight of him and lunged into his embrace. You buried your head below his chin as he held onto you. Words didn’t need to be said. You knew how much you meant to each other.

_He just doesn’t know I’m in love with him,_ you thought. But, it was too late now. It would only hurt more if you confessed your feelings for him. So you allowed your affections to be a secret you would take with you to Midgard. Loki kissed the top of your head and released you. You looked up into his eyes, you could tell he was holding back tears, but they never fell. Yours were still falling, and he gently wiped them off your cheek. When his hand fell from your face, you abruptly turned and walked to Heimdall, who handed you your trunk. 

You turned around once more to see your friends, the princes you were leaving behind. Behind them, almost as if he was hiding, you saw your father. You and your father had never had a close relationship, but you were appreciative that he came to see you off, even if it was the bare minimum he could do. He met your eyes and gave you a solemn nod, and turned and walked back across the bridge. You looked at the faces of Thor and Loki once more as Heimdall opened the Bifrost, beaming you through space, to Midgard.


	2. A Familiar Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Everyone! Thank you so much for all the kudos, bookmarks, and kind comments! 
> 
> I wanted to post a surprise early Valentine's Day post but it looks like I'm a few minutes late. Thank you to my beta Papercranes_and_Starshine ❤️. I hope you all enjoy this short chapter.
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos! I love hearing your feedback. 
> 
> Happy late Valentine's Day
> 
> -J

Midgard

Manhattan, New York

2012 A.D.

Even though you were part Midgardian, it seemed you had inherited your life span from your father. This caused problems for you on Midgard, or Earth as you came to know it. This characteristic was common on Asgard, but it made you stand out on Earth. You learned quickly that you could never get too attached to the Midgardians around you because as they lived and died, you stayed the same. This also meant that you couldn’t stay in one place for too long, moving every decade or so. 

For the past few years, you had been living in Manhattan. You made your way in the world as a successful writer, changing pseudonyms and publishing companies every decade or so to avoid detection. You made decent money, and it was convenient because you just had to change your name instead of changing your profession when you needed to disappear. 

You were writing, getting ahead of your next deadline in your studio apartment in Midtown, when you heard a commotion coming from outside, followed by what sounded like a series of explosions. 

_What the hell?_

Peering out the window, you swear you saw creatures from another realm fly by. _But that's impossible, isn’t it,_ you thought. You heard more explosions and screams as you searched for your TV remote. After finding it hidden under one of the pillows on your bed, you turn on the TV to the news. You felt shivers down your spine as you saw the gaping hole in above Stark Tower, which looked like a portal to another realm and Chitauri pouring from it. You felt slightly guilty that your first thought was _so much for keeping Midgardians ignorant to the expanse of the universe_ ; when New York was under attack from an alien race, the humans of Midgard didn’t have weapons to fight off. 

Lost in your frantic thoughts, you almost missed a close up of Stark Tower on the screen. What caught your eye wasn’t the wormhole or an explosion but rather two men in Asgardian attire fighting. Your heart was pounding at the sight because _it couldn’t be_ , the clash of red and green along with the hints of raven black hair under a familiar golden helmet with horns and the man with long golden hair holding a hammer you knew all too well proved otherwise. _Loki. Thor. They’re here. Why would Odin allow them to come to Midgard?_

The TV didn’t remain on the boys you grew up with for very long. Clips of the destruction the Chitauri were causing throughout the city were on an endless loop, but each clip was a new part of the city where chaos ensued. 

You saw Tony Stark, Iron Man, Captain America, and others fighting back among the chaos, but Iron Man and Cap were the only ones you recognized. 

The rumbling of the floor beneath you and the sound of shattering glass from an explosion pulled your attention from the TV to your window. You saw shards of glass and debris falling from one of the floors above when the fire alarms inside your building started blaring. You deduced that the explosion you heard must have been something hitting your building. Not taking any chances, you grabbed your purse and phone and headed out the door. The hallway was filled with other tenants heading out of the building for the same reason you were. You followed the crowd of people down the stairs to the lobby. 

The hallway and the stairwells’ crowdedness was nothing compared to the lobby, where people were frantically pushing and shoving to get out one of the two exit doors. Through the glass windows that encompassed the lobby; the unrest didn’t stop once people made it outside. New York’s streets were in complete disarray, with people running to find shelter amongst the debris and chaos of the battle ensuing around them. 

After several minutes of slowly working your way to the door amidst the pushing and shoving, you were almost to the exit when the high volume of screams coming outside caused your heart to race even more than it already was. Your stature caused you to be unable to see what was happening over the crowd of people whose drive to get out the door suddenly increased. The few people in front of you moved, making you the next person able to exit as you saw a speeder with dead Chitauri at the helms headed straight towards the glass window to your right, a millisecond before it hit the glass, exploding. You and the many people around you on the street were sent flying back by the wall of heat the explosion created. On instinct, your eyes closed as you passed through the air before you felt the pain of the back of your body hitting something when you lost consciousness. 

***

You woke up to the sound of a steady beep. As your eyes fluttered open, you realized you were in a hospital, and the beeping which had awakened you was the heart rate monitor attached to your finger. 

_How long had you been asleep?_

Your eyes wandered as you took in your surroundings. The hospital was dull and cold with a flimsy curtain separating you and the patient in the bed to your right, who seemed to have visitors because you could hear their whispers. There was a small television placed on a shelf beyond the privacy curtain. You saw the remote on your tray table, reached for it, and turned it on. It was already turned to the news, and the first thing you saw was _him._ Loki. Your excitement was crushed a moment later when you realized he was muzzled and chained. _What?_ You weren’t able to finish your thought because of a startling scream from the bed next to yours. 

“NO! NO! PLEASE NO!”

You saw the shadow of two people trying to calm the man down as he continued to scream when one of the women rushed from his side to the shared TV and switched it off. Immediately, the man's screams silenced. The woman turned back to the man in the bed, and you were able to see her face; she was short in stature but stunningly beautiful with silky brown hair. You thought if she weren’t so short, she would have fit right in on Asgard. Your thoughts immediately turned to the two princes, especially Loki. _Why was he-_

“Hi.” Your thoughts were halted again when you saw the woman at the foot of your bed with a warm smile on her face.

“Hi,” you replied weakly.

“I’m really sorry about my friend. He’s been through a lot these past few days, and well, seeing some of the things on the TV, I guess is triggering him.”

You immediately felt responsible for the man’s despair, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t-” 

“Don’t feel bad. You didn’t know.” You gave him an apologetic smile. 

“Is it ok if we just keep the TV off?” 

“Yes, of course.” 

“Thank you.” 

She then proceeded to disappear behind the curtain as a nurse walked in. 

“Oh, you’re awake!” the nurse exclaimed.

The nurse came over, checked your vitals, and informed you of your situation. Apparently, you blacked out due to head trauma from an explosion. You also cracked several ribs when you hit the pavement after the blast. You were being kept overnight to make sure everything was ok, and you would be discharged the next morning. It had been a little less than twenty-four hours since the attack on New York. You didn’t quite understand how Midgardians were able to defeat an army of Chitauri, but before the nurse could give you any more answers, she was called away. 

After listening to the inaudible whispers of the people across the curtain for half an hour, you drifted to sleep. 

***

You found yourself in a fog, feeling light as a feather, surrounded by darkness, except for the mist reflecting some unknown light source. Almost silent echoes started raising in volume until it was unbearable; the pain caused you to cover your ears and close your eyes until it suddenly became quiet. You opened your eyes to see Loki kneeling in thick chains surrounded by faceless enemies, except for the one directly in front of him, their Titan leader. He looked down to Loki, who showed no signs of fear. Whether it was just a mask of emotions or if he actually wasn’t afraid, you could not tell, nor did you care to try when the Titan started to speak. 

“How far have you fallen, Son of Odin?” the Titan scoffed. Loki just narrowed his gaze at the being towering above him. “No worries, you will still be a useful tool in my plan.” 

“I will never join your cause,” Loki retorted.

“Hm, are you sure? A few days under my watch will leave you more broken than you already are, Loki Odinson, or should I say, Laufeyson? I mean after all, why would anyone still claim to love a monster like you?”

“My mother, perhaps.”

The Titan struck Loki across the face, which sent him falling to the floor, blood running down his cheek. “I will never bow to you,” Loki spat back at his captor. 

“That's what they all say.” 

The Titan turned and walked toward several faceless beings moving towards him. “Make him scream and make him mine,” the Titan said as they passed.

“Yes, master.”

The faceless beings surround Loki, their shadows like bodies blocked your view of Loki, but they did not silence his scream. The first shout you heard triggered your cries and tears. 

“Loki,” you screamed over and over. Eventually, you calling his name drowned out the noise of his when you started being pulled away from the scene. 

***

You were jerked awake from your sleep, _your nightmare,_ and was met with the face of the woman who you encountered earlier. 

“Hey, hey, it’s ok, you're safe,” she shushed to you, sitting at your bedside, as she lightly rubbed your shoulder, comforting you. Your previous erratic breathing stabilized after a few minutes. 

“You ok?” she asked. 

“Ya, thank you,” you said, taking a deep breath. She removed her hand from your shoulder when you turned your head and were met with two other pairs of eyes. The man on the bed was older, eyes sunken in, although you assumed that could have because he had experienced a recent trauma. There was another brunette woman sitting by his bedside. She was younger and wore glasses and a beanie. They were both looking at you with concern when the woman on your bed spoke.

“I’m Jane,” she said, giving you a motherly smile. “These are my friends Erik and Darcy.”

You nervously turned to the two people who remained beyond the barrier of the pulled back curtain and nodded at them. Darcy gave you a friendly wave, but Erik stayed stoic. This was the most up-close interaction with humans you’d had in many years, and your nervousness was making you believe that in your isolation on Earth, you might have gained some social anxiety, _which honestly wouldn’t have surprised you._

“What’s your name,” Jane asked.

“Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N.” There was an awkward moment of silence before Erik spoke.

“So he was inside your head too?”

“Erik!” Jane and Darcy yelled in unison.

“Who?” You quietly asked. _Nobody had been in your head. What was he talking about?_

“Um, do you often scream the names of mass murder’s in your sleep?” Darcy quipped.

“DARCY!” Jane scolded. 

“Loki,” Erik answered you, fear pouring from his eyes as he said the name.

_Loki? What was Erik saying? What had Loki done to incite such fear? What had become of your best friend, the boy you were once in love with?_

“What did Loki do?” The second you started your question, your heart dropped along with your head because you knew you made a mistake. Looking back up into the eyes of the people around you and seeing the fear and shock across their faces, your fears were confirmed.

“What hasn’t he done?” Darcy said under her breath.

Jane sent Darcy a look that could kill before she turned to you and stood from your bed. “You know Loki?” 

You started to panic. You had managed to live hundreds of years among humans on Midgard without ever giving a hint that you might not be one of them until now. You felt a tear run down your cheek as you thought of the consequences when you realized _they already knew. If they knew of Loki’s existence, then they surely knew of Asgard. It wasn’t as if Odin could keep Midgard ignorant to the rest of the realms after an alien army attacked New York City. You had nothing to lose; you had lost everything when you were banished from your home. But you could gain some answers._

“Yes.”


	3. Who I Was, Who I Am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> Thank you so much for supporting my little story. The comments, kudos, bookmarks, and every other way you guys interact with this story, makes my day. Here's the next chapter, right on schedule. I hope you all enjoy it. Only one-maybe two chapters before we get to interact with Loki! (I know that's why all of you are here) 
> 
> As always, thank you to my beta and WandaVision watch-buddy, Papercranes_and_Starshine
> 
> Leave a comment and/or kudos! I love hearing feedback from you all. 
> 
> See you in two weeks!
> 
> -J

Midgard

Manhattan, New York

2012 A.D.

You were generally good at reading people, but the faces of the people in front of you had you stumped. You couldn’t tell if they were confused, shocked, or scared. Honestly, it seemed like it was a combination of all three. Erik was the first to break the awkward silence.

“So, if Loki wasn’t in your head, how do you know him?”

“See, that’s where you lose me. Why would Loki be in my head?”

“Haven’t you watched the news lately?” Darcy quipped.

You turned to Darcy, annoyance boiled to the surface, and that’s when you snapped. “No, I haven’t actually! Forgive me for not educating myself on current events, but an explosion knocked me unconscious before I could figure out why the fuck an army of Chitauri were attacking New York!”

Coming out of the blindness of rage, the people around you were silent with expressions of shock and hurt plastered on their faces. You didn’t yell at people much. Then again, you rarely had enough human interaction to actually trigger your anger, so you guess that a little “blow up” was overdue. But the crushed look on Darcy’s face didn’t ease your conscience.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped,” you said to Darcy, hoping she would forgive your outburst, before continuing to speak to the full group, “I’m just confused, and nobody has given me a straight answer as to what’s going on and I can’t-”

“Can’t turn on the TV,” Jane finished for you. You met her understanding gaze as she sighed and continued, “Look, don’t feel bad for snapping, I get it. With everything that’s happened, we’re all on edge, and I can only imagine how confusing it is, especially since you don’t know exactly what happened.” She came over and sat down gently at the edge of your bed.

You sensed there was a catch to Jane’s compassion for your situation. Growing up with the god of mischief taught you to see into people’s true intentions easier than most. 

“But here’s the thing,” _Ah, here’s the ‘but’_ you thought as Jane continued, “Because you’ve been unconscious since the attack, and since you claim that Loki wasn’t in your head, you shouldn’t know him-” 

“Unless she’s from Asgard.”

You turned from Jane’s scrutinizing gaze at Erik’s interruption. He didn’t look afraid anymore but rather curious like he was fitting together the last pieces of a puzzle but couldn’t quite figure out where in the picture you fit. He was on the right track, though. _But how could he have known?_

“That’s how you know Loki. You’re Asgardian?” 

“Yes. But how-”

“Oh! If you’re from Asgard, you must also know Thor!” Darcy interrupted.

“Of course.” 

“It’s all starting to make sense,” Darcy continued as she sat back in her chair with a satisfied smile on her face.

“Is Thor in trouble too? I saw him on the TV during the attack but-”

“No, no, no,” Jane said before your mind could finish, “Thor’s fine; he’s not in any trouble.”

“Oh.”

“Um,” Erik started to say, “If I may ask if you’re Asgardian, and you weren’t with Thor or Loki during the attack, why are you here on Earth?” 

You didn’t have any secrets of the universe to hide anymore, no reason to hide your identity anymore, you reminded yourself as you stared down, fiddling with your thumbs, contemplating. _You might as well tell them the full story. Maybe you’ll get some answers in return._ You lifted your eyes to meet those of the people around you. Taking a deep breath, you began to explain your history. How your mother’s death led you to meet Loki, you and him becoming best friends, the fateful day when you were called to the Allfather’s throne, with Loki at your side, and learned your true heritage. _“You were not born on Asgard...You were born on Midgard,”_ Odin’s words burned in your mind. Images of that day flashed before your eyes. It was as if you were re-living the moment Odin banished you. You swore you could feel the way Loki’s hand had rested on the small of your back all those years ago as you reverberated to the group how Odin banished you from your home to live out the rest of your life on Earth. 

Despite the mesmerized looks on their faces, you didn’t feel the need to explain the entirety of your life on Earth to Jane, Erik, and Darcy. You stuck to the basics, explaining how you have an Asgardian lifespan, so you’ve been living on Earth for a long time, and for the past few years, you’d been living in New York while working as a writer. 

As your story concluded, they remained silent, absorbing the story of your life. You decided to use the silence of the room to demand answers that you so desperately needed. 

“So, now you know who I was, or am, I gave you answers. Now, I feel like it’s only fair that you give me some.”

The three companions looked at each other, seemingly coming to an unspoken agreement before Jane turned to you, “What do you want to know?”

“What happened in New York? What did Loki do?”

“If you want to fully understand everything that happened, I think we should start from the beginning.” 

“New Mexico?” Darcy asked Jane. 

“Ya, New Mexico.” Before Jane continued, she asked Erik, “Are you sure you’re up for this?”

“The girl deserves to know,” Erik replied.

“Alright then, about a year ago…” 

Jane explained that she and Erik were Dr. Jane Foster and Dr. Erik Selvig, doctors in astrophysics. About a year ago, they were studying anomalies in New Mexico when they literally ran into Thor and how they helped him and how he also helped them better understand their research. 

Erik then proceeded to tell the rest of the story where Jane and Darcy were not involved. He explained that he was recruited by an organization called S.H.I.E.L.D., shortly after the New Mexico incident, to find a way to harness the energy of the tesseract. Shortly before the attack on New York, Loki arrived at Erik’s lab at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters and used a powerful scepter to take over Erik’s mind and the minds of other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents to steal the tesseract. Loki used Erik and the others under his control to make a device to open a portal to allow an army Chitauri to invade New York, to aid Loki in achieving his goal of ruling over Earth. His plan failed due to the Avengers, a group that consisted of Iron Man, Captain America, the Hulk, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, and Thor. They had managed to close the portal, capture Loki, recover the tesseract, and in the process, also remove Erik from Loki’s control. After the battle, Erik was taken to the hospital, where Jane and Darcy came to pick him up but was being kept overnight for observation.

You had gotten your answers, but none of them made sense. _Why would Loki want to take over Midgard? Yes, Loki wanted to be king of Asgard, but the boy you knew was never power-hungry, just desperate for the approval of his father. It didn’t make sense: the mind control, the army, the destruction. What happened to the boy you knew, the boy you once loved, to set him down this path?_

“Hey, you ok?” Jane said, gently rubbing your shoulder, snapping you out of your trance. 

“Ya, it’s just a lot to process. He was once my best friend; it’s hard to believe that he changed so much. I know the stories in mythology paint him to be this villain but, he was never like that when I knew him. He liked to get into trouble, hell, I helped him get into a lot of the time but, world domination just doesn’t sound like him.”

“You’ve been away from Asgard a long time, Y/N. People can change a lot in that time.”

“Most people don’t live that long of a time,” Darcy mumbled under her breath. Even though the comment caused Jane to send Darcy a piercing glare, it made you laugh. 

“Thank you for explaining. And Erik, I’m sorry about what happened to you.” 

“Thank you, I’m sorry about Loki, he might be evil now, but it sounded like he was a good friend to you.”

“He was. It sounds like he has changed since then, though.”

The silence was broken by a nurse coming in and letting Jane and Darcy know that visiting hours were over. They told her they would leave in a few minutes, and she left the room. 

“Well, we better get going,” Jane said, getting up along with Darcy as they proceeded to grab their belongings. “You two get some sleep. We’ll see you in the morning.” Jane and Darcy both hugged Erik before leaving the room. 

At their departure, you noticed it was now dark out. Even though it might have been night, you weren’t sleepy. Erik, apparently, was the opposite because when you turned to start a conversation, he was already asleep. Since you didn’t have anyone to talk to, you let your mind wander.

Your thoughts then drifted to Loki. In your head, you still imagined him to be the boy you were in love with as a teenager but, he was no longer the Loki you remembered. _Had he changed so much so that he turned into a mass murderer?_ Even though you fully believed what Erik had told you, it was hard for you to believe he had changed so much. You wanted to hear the full story, what had happened to him that drove him to do the things he did, but more importantly, you wanted to hear it from Loki. You didn’t, more like couldn’t believe that he just became evil. There had to be more to the story, but you doubted that Jane, Erik, and Darcy could tell you what you wanted to know. 

It felt like you had formed a bond with the group of scientists, even though you had just met. They knew people from your past that you had spent so many years hiding, and they also were the first mortals you ever told it to. You were saddened by the thought of never seeing or hearing from them again when morning came, and you were to be discharged.

Erik’s cries pulled you from your thoughts. You could tell he was having a nightmare. _Probably about Loki._ You carefully got up from your bed and went to Erik’s bedside, and shook him awake. 

“Erik, wake up!” 

Erik jumped as he awoke from his slumber. His eyes were wide and full of terror before he took in his surroundings, slowly coming back to reality. 

You rubbed his shoulder and whispered, “It was just a dream,” until he fully calmed down. When his breathing evened out, you returned to your bed, still unable to sleep. It looked like Erik wasn’t going to be sleeping anytime soon either. You thought you might as well start a conversation. The both of you could use a distraction. 

You asked him what exactly he and Jane studied since you didn’t really understand what astrophysics were. It was an excellent question to ask because when he started talking, he didn’t stop. You conversed with him for hours, listening intently as he explained to you the basics. It was actually things you were somewhat able to understand due to your childhood on Asgard. That’s when you had an idea.

***

You were still conversing with Erik when the sun started to peek through the windows of your shared hospital room. Not much later, the nurses brought breakfast for both of you. 

While you ate, Jane and Darcy returned. After they got settled, you decided that this was your chance to talk to them about your idea. 

“I wanted to ask you guys something.” 

“What about?” Jane asked.

“I wanted to know if you might be looking for another person to add to your team?” They looked befuddled by your question.

“Are you saying that you want to join our team?”

“Yes.” Jane looked like she was about to protest, so you continued before she could. “Look, I’ve been talking with Erik for hours about your studies, and although I don’t understand the technicalities of it, I understand it probably more than the average person because I grew up on Asgard. You said that Thor helped you in New Mexico. I may not be as educated as Thor or any of you for that matter on the topics, but I understand the concepts from an Asgardian perspective like Thor. I could explain that perspective to help with your research. Also, like you, I want to find Thor. I need answers from him, and the only other person who could give me those answers is probably locked in a cage somewhere, so he’s my best shot.”

“You do realize that it’s not easy. We’ve run into a lot of obstacles,” Erik pointed out.

“Like S.H.I.E.L.D.,” Darcy added.

“Yes, like S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“I thought you worked for them,” you questioned.

“He did, but before that, they took our phones.” 

“And our research,” Jane added.

“And our research, by the way, Erik, you never got me my phone back; I was on the last level of Angry Birds,” Darcy complained. 

Jane interrupted before Darcy and Erik could start bickering. “Look, as much as I appreciate the offer, Y/N, I can’t possibly ask that of you. You would be uprooting your life, and I can’t guarantee that I could even pay you-”

“You don’t need to pay me. I have a rather large saving that I’ve accumulated over the years. Also, there isn’t much of a life to uproot. I work from home and barely leave my apartment. I don’t have friends because I live my life on the go, moving every couple of years to keep away suspicion; it’s not that big of a deal for me. I know it won’t be easy, but it’s gotta be better than rotting away in my studio apartment and moving again in a couple of years. I really need this, Jane, please.”

Jane still looked reluctant, but then Erik spoke, “She could help us, Jane, let’s give her a chance.”

“Ok.” 

And at that, the room erupted in you, Erik, and Darcy’s cheers. The enthusiasm broke Jane from her fit of seriousness and made her laugh. Darcy came over to you and gave you a big hug, welcoming you to the team.

***

When you were discharged along with Erik later that morning, you left the hospital with the trio to begin a new chapter in your very long life, one with friends and one where you would hopefully find the answers you were looking for. 

Answers that could tell you what happened to the boy you once loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Next Update: 3/14/21


End file.
